In my mother’s long battle with Alzheimer’s and with multiple other illnesses, we have begun the long night battles. It is really getting tough to maintain sanity. I am bound to keep my promise to keep my mother at home. I have seen some pretty gruesome things at nursing homes. She wants to stay at home and with God’s strength, I will keep her here at home.
It is very taxing. She has to have constant care and attention. This is a horrible disease. It robs the victim of dignity and peace. Every day is filled with prayers for peace. Fear creeps in; fear of being alone or deserted; fear of voices and those images of people who are not there.
The nights seem to be getting longer. My mother fights sleep for fear of not waking or that someone will hurt us while she sleeps. Just like a small child will do, she fights off sleep, often for up to 3 days before her body literally collapses. While in these fear ridden hours of sleeplessness, she demands my total attention. She constantly wants me to straighten her pillow or ‘fix’ her legs or give her a drink of water. I believe that most of these constant pleas for attention are nothing more than an attempt to keep me focused on her.
It is so very difficult sometimes to stay calm. It is so very difficult to keep my focus on the bigger picture. It is so very difficult to maintain a civil attitude and not lose my temper. Christ gives me the strength to carry on. I constantly remind myself that He is my strength and that He will sustain me. He is sufficient for all of my needs.
I love my mother. I love Christ. I will persevere.
